no more excuses
photo by Riley Reed.
Two days ago, the day I had been irrationally dreading since it emerged on my mental horizon finally arrived. My thirtieth birthday.
As one might expect, I felt no different after crossing that inevitable threshold than I did before I crossed it. I feel and look the same as I did at 29. Still no gray hairs, still no wrinkles. People still mistake me for a recent graduate and, occasionally, a student.
I keep hearing from other post-30 friends and family that life only gets better in this decade, and that one’s thirties are the new twenties. Objectively, this makes sense to me, and I’m looking forward to what’s in store. At the same time, however, I worry that I’ve wasted the last one-third of my life pursuing things that don’t matter in the long run instead of laying the foundation for things that do.
2022 was an interesting year for me. I filed for incorporation for a business idea I actually believe in (but have yet to get off the ground). In February and November, I stepped foot onto my last two continents, achieving the fun (but ultimately frivolous) goal of getting to all seven before this milestone birthday. In May, I had my dream job; in June, I found love; in July, I lost my dream job; in August, I lost my relationship, but I found another great job.
I let some friends go, and some let me go. I made some new ones along the way, and I’m delighted to say some long-lost ones resurfaced out of the blue. I set some non-negotiable boundaries, made a few repeat mistakes for the last time, put myself out there with mixed success, nursed my wounds, cried a lot, laughed even more, and even showed up at church a few times.
Like I said— an interesting year.
For me, this holiday season is one of both reflection and preparation. I want to kickstart my business idea into reality, level up at my current company, and set myself up for success in both the new year and my new decade of life. On top of all that, I’m performing my first aerial silks solo in just a couple weeks, which is uncomfortably soon considering that I haven’t finalized the choreography yet, let alone gotten all the way through it. As these things go, it will come together at the last minute: I’ll be practicing almost every day between Christmas and the showcase weekend to make sure that it does.
I have absolutely no idea what 2023 will hold— there are too many unknowns and, after this year, chaos has erupted enough for me to know better than to make any bets. All I really can do is plunge forward, do the best that I can, take my lumps when they happen, and not rest on my laurels when they don’t. Humility, patience (for both myself and others), and restraint from acting on my hedonistic impulses: those are my aims.
Wishing everyone the merriest of Christmases and a happy new year ♥
