mirrors
I am not the same person I was two months ago.
It’s hard to explain without going into great detail… detail that would be oversharing a part of my life that overlaps with the lives of others. Two months ago, the stars aligned and my internal preconditions were just right for me to make a dubious decision— a decision to let someone in, just temporarily, even though it was objectively a bad idea. And the irony is that it very well might turn out to be the best choice I ever made.
What happened next transcends words. I saw, and I was seen. I gave this person my all, knowing that it couldn’t possibly go anywhere, expecting nothing in return but respect and honesty. I let myself soften into the moment, enough to be more connected to another human being than I’ve ever been before. And as the external pressure turned up on our relationship, it continued to crystalize into the most unexpected, brilliant diamond. Against all the odds.
It has been a crash course in communication, boundaries, trust, empathy, projection, energetics, shadow work, self-restraint, spirituality, and love, all at the same time. It has simultaneously been the most beautiful and harrowing journey I have ever been on. I’m having to learn to find my calm from within myself, to be at peace without having all the answers, and to continually choose surrender over suspense. To surf on the tsunami, without worrying where it will take me or what lurks beneath the wave.
It is only at the moment of painful, impossible paradox that we have no other choice than to let go, sit back, and observe the ways in which we break. If we’re lucky, we’re stronger than we think we are and we withstand the storm. But if we don’t, we have to take note: these are the areas to grow in. The places we need to nurture and heal, to mend with gold.
We cannot turn to our old crutches to lean on, nor our favorite vices to distract us. Person, place, or thing, that which we usually call upon to save us is almost always a symptom of the core problem, if not one of its sources.
Whether it’s what you think you want or not, the only way to bring in that which is yours is to set it completely, wholly free.
The only way around the pain of growth is through the pain of growth.
The only way to see the light is through the shadows.
See you on the other side.
